I Didn’t Know What Kind of Team Lead I Was Becoming

The work was moving. Designers were growing. Projects were shipping on time. If you had asked me how things were going, I would’ve said “good,” and I would’ve meant it.

But there was a stretch where I started noticing a subtle change in how I was leading. I wasn’t disengaged or overwhelmed. I just felt slightly distant. Less in sync. Like I was orbiting the team instead of moving with it.

Part of this was intentional. As a lead, I’d worked hard to build a team that didn’t rely on me for every decision. I trusted them, and they trusted each other. But in that shift toward autonomy, I had also pulled back from some of the moments that mattered — the messy middle, the early exploration, the part of design that doesn’t show up in status updates.

The turning point came during a critique. One designer shared an early concept and said, almost offhandedly, “I wasn’t sure whether to bring this yet. I know you’ve been pretty hands-off lately.”

It wasn’t a complaint. It wasn’t even said with frustration. But it landed.

I realized I’d been unintentionally creating distance. In trying to give the team more space, I had made myself less available in ways that mattered. They weren’t looking for oversight. They were looking for thought partnership. And I wasn’t giving that consistently.

So I made one simple change: I re-committed to showing up earlier in the process.

Not to take over. Not to course correct. Just to be there. To ask questions, help shape problem framing, or explore edge cases before they became blockers. I carved out time to be curious again. And I let the team know I was making that shift, not because anything was wrong, but because I wanted to lead more actively, not just protect space.

That small adjustment changed the energy of the team. People brought in rougher ideas. We had deeper discussions in critiques. Collaboration got sharper. Not more frequent. Just more intentional.

It reminded me that leadership isn’t about stepping back or stepping in. It’s about knowing when presence matters. And choosing to show up in the moments that shape the work, not just the ones that close it out.